When I Die

Just take my ashes and throw them away because when I’m dead I’m gone.
I won’t be coming back this way anymore.
Throw them in an empty field and maybe some beautiful wildflowers will grow,
And if you do not see any pretty flowers we all need a few weeds or so.

You can appreciate the beauty someday when you see a field full of color.
Then you can remember how we used to love one another.

You may want to cry after I’m gone, but do not, for I have already cried buckets and buckets for you already.

I have felt your disappointments, your failures, your sadness, your lost loves, your resentment, your fears, your loss, and all of your trials and errors.

I have kissed your hurt, tasted the salt of your tears already when I held you in my arms trying to make things better, even when there were times when I could not.

Just like now, I can’t make this better, for if I could I would.

I only know how to write words, and at times I think maybe I’m not so great at doing that either. I try, for however good or bad that they may be, I continue to put them down on paper whether someone will read them or not.

I have a feeling that I’m not going to be around much longer. I want you to know that life goes on and nothing will ever be the way that it was before because everything changes and nothing stays the same.

We can’t live forever. We all will die someday. This is just a fact of life. No matter how we might like to change it, we can’t. What has to be will surely be.

I don’t want you to remember anything not pleasant or bad, but just remember all the good things even if you can only think of a few.

I don’t really know what to say except I’m sorry for everything I didn’t do right and I’m sure there are too many to write down, but you know what they are.

No matter how much I disappointed you, I can say I always loved you. I know there are times you didn‘t understand that, but it is the truth.

Whatever words came out of my mouth are things I can’t take back. How I wish I could. The only ones I wouldn’t take back are the words, I love you, you are important to me, and you are the best.

I wish I could always be here with you, but no matter what, you will get through this.

I know this will be easier for some, but for you I don’t know. I just know that somehow you will get through this difficult time.

So no guilt, no tears, and don’t be sad forever. There are more important things in life than to spend it grieving.

Be happy, love a lot, be a good person, and when all else fails, keep your faith because sometimes that is all that is left.

If you have to remember something, then remember this, I love you, for now, for always, and forever. This is something that will never change.

Love is the greatest gift of all.

I may not have had a lot of things in my life like others have, but that doesn’t matter. I am far richer than many because I had you in my life.

You were my greatest gift of all.

Thank you for your love.

November 4, 2011
Donna’s Magic Pen

One Drop of Warer

One Drop of Water

A cold drop of water fell from the sky from a black rain cloud. In slow motion it splashed on a rock as many more followed. The drops of water turned into a rain storm and flowed down the rocks into the running stream. The swift current of the stream spilled into a river, then ran the course until it ended at the waterfall. The water crashed down the sides of the tall walls of rock spilling into another large body of water. To think it all started from one drop of water from a black rain cloud.

One drop of water that changed into one salty tear fell from my eye. In slow motion it slid down my cheek as many more followed. The tears turned into streams as many more slid down my face and I cried out in pain. The tears seemed never ending like the waterfall. I tried to wipe them away but still they fell filling me with a sadness that only grew. Would this unhappy feeling that was like a large body of water consume me and never end?

Storms cease and once again the sun shines down upon the land. I’m waiting for my storm to pass and long again for the warmth of the sun to dry the tears and warm my cold heart. I sit here alone where no one can see the tears that trickle down from my eyes until they flow like a river into a cascading waterfall spilling down into a larger pool of water.

One drop of water and one tear, all started with a dark storm cloud.

Donna Spencer

Donna’s Magic Pen

September 23, 2011